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Many parents complain that their children oppose them in everything, that they deny what they say or propose, children who want to get away with it at all costs, grumpy, fussy or complaining children.
Sometimes this misunderstood power struggle generates additional family stress that leads to conflict and confrontation, if we want to avoid these negative dynamics we must understand why they behave in this way and how to act in each case or evolutionary moment.
There are multiple causes for which our son may be systematically opposing us, we point out 4 of them.
Phases of childhood and adolescence: The cognitive and emotional development of our children goes through a series of stages or phases in which they are capricious, grumpy and easily irritable. These are phases that we must know and handle properly to prevent conflicts typical of this age from becoming entrenched and chronic. Stubbornness and oppositional behavior is common between the ages of 2 and 4, in the well-known phase of tantrums. Again, around 7-9 years and, mostly, in adolescence, we once again experience moments of self-assertion and protests.
Educational styles: Rigid, authoritarian, and / or punitive styles of education can produce the opposite effect of what is intended. Children can turn against limits, norms, and authority figures. Relaxing our behavior, loosening up in the face of some demands, empathizing with what they feel and want can help reduce protests.
Learning negative behaviors: the best source of learning for a child is observation. Our children live permanently observing us, imitating us and testing behaviors that they see and hear, whether they are appropriate or not. Under this premise we can understand how the display of anger, bad faces or protests are learned behaviors. Attention with the way of proceeding before them so as not to infect them with our negativity.
Jealousy: Jealousy is another factor to take into account since it can change the behavior of our children in an almost radical way, a child who until now was a charm suddenly becomes a protester who is against us at all times. It happens that he probably needs to feel cared for and protest is his way of getting our attention.
In short, the protests of our children are a way of growing up, of getting older, of asserting themselves and building their own self. Actually it is not so bad that they protest indicating that they have other points of view or needs, as long as this is not a constant in our lives that hinders family life.
The best we can do with a child who disagrees with us is to remain patient and not get into sterile arguments. Adjusting to their age level, we will try to make them understand that disagreement exists in all areas of life, but that we cannot always achieve what we want.
Faced with constant and high intensity protests, we must seek specialized help, It is very likely that behind all these protests a much more serious problem is hidden or we are making mistakes in our way of educating.
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