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Who sets limits for children at home?


I admit it: I'm a softie. To me those sad little eyes and that well-rehearsed pout, they can. And yes, I lack authority. When I try to impose an order, I am not authoritative. That is why I try to respect the rules that in this case the father does know how to impose firmly. Goodness! Otherwise, we would have a problem, because if something is clear to me, it is that children need to be shown a path, with its limits, its direction and yes, from time to time, small shortcuts. But always, without getting out of the way.

At home, the rules are almost always set by the father. I also put some, of course, but I am much more permissive. It happens in many homes: one of the two parents is the one who has more capacity to impose a discipline. The other tries to respect those rules but is a little more flexible. That seems fine to me. If they were both 'policemen', the children would live in fear. If the two were anarchists, chaos would be assured.

Me I can't imagine a childhood where the rules could never be broken. If you could never have trinkets after hours, jump on the sofa, throw the cushions laughing or get chocolate on your shirt ... what space would there be for fun, creativity, fantasy?

But I know those moments of 'freedom' must be just recess and never forget the basic rules. On the harmony of both parties, everything largely depends. And it is that virtue, we already know, is in the right middle. Neither very strict nor very permissive. Neither too authoritative nor too soft.

Sometimes it is the mother who imposes the rules and the father who plays and is softer with his children. And in many other couples, both try to set rules and also provide moments of relaxation and games. Each family is a world and there are millions of worlds. But in all cases, to ensure balance, I believe that in the education of children These two basic ingredients should never be lacking: affection and limits. They are not at odds. Rather, they are complementary.

It's not about establishing the role of 'good cop' and 'bad cop'. Both must remember and respect the most elementary rules and never contradict the other (for example, in the application of a punishment). Nor do I think it is fair to use that phrase so typical of 'as I tell your father you will find out' ... Rather, make them respect the rules that he has established (in agreement with you, of course), without hanging up on him never the role of 'bad guy'. And in your case, who sets the limits at home?

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Video: Woman Without Limits I Nancy Wanjiru (January 2022).