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Don't judge me. Anyway, that's not the point.
I have the impression that we often take our own happiness. It is in this respect that we have influence. And these 40% aspects mean that we lack something in life, we feel unfulfilled either as a mother or as a woman. We still have the impression that we have to choose: either I will be 100% mom, one who does not make difficult compromises, or I will pursue my own passions and dreams. This or that. Half measures are not an option because something always happens at the expense of something. We think so. In addition, we feel exhausted, tired, but we persist in our habits, believing that it is impossible to do otherwise.
I will do everything myself
The myth of the Polish Mother is still alive. Yes, we like to deal with everyone without help. Be tired, have no time for anything, run with the tongue on top. Because it is necessary, because everyone does it, because such times. Because in this way we are irreplaceable and the best.
That we get sick later? We can't remember when we were having fun with a partner without a child? When we rested, did we reset? We can sometimes feel anger, frustration, turn a blind eye to unfulfilled dreams, repeating that the child is the most important. Our relationship often suffers, but not only ... this attitude affects the relationship of the child with the father.
A mother who does everything by herself is not allowed to show her partner. Paradoxically, she often complains that he "doesn't help her", but she doesn't let him, because he does everything best and he doesn't know himself.
Besides, when we do everything ourselves, we often don't have enough time for what we have done so far. Our contacts with friends are loosening, with time it becomes empty around us.
And the child?
Too often a child is so strongly connected to his mother that ... it raises big problems.
I can't trust anyone
Some criticism is healthy. I will not even deny it, but it is paranoid to undermine the competences of everyone and everyone. The doctor does not know because he wrote a prescription for this medicine. He probably got a large sum to save a drug for which he would then go on an extra vacation. It is paid for by pharmaceutical companies, which is why it advises measures that weaken our children.
A kindergarten teacher treats her unfairly, someone has got caught up in school. The cook feeds "chemical food", too sweet and fatty. We will not leave the child with grandma, because she will definitely give the toddler sweets right after closing the door.
So what if many allegations are probably true? So what, since living in an aura of distrust can be tiring and really close to paranoia.
Compares to others
He compares his own life, child development, account status, financial status, appearance, figure, how much weight he gained and then lost weight or not. In a word - everything and everyone.
And this comparison always works against you. There is jealousy, regret, a feeling that it is not as good as it seems to us that she is next to a friend. How could it be ...
Looking to the future with anxiety
Unhappy people focus on what can go wrong. Happy are cautious, but they do not spread confusion and black scenarios. They look forward to the future with optimism and infect others with their attitude, also giving role models to children who are more confident and less afraid.
Perfectionism in mothers
Sidney J. Blatt from Yale University explains perfectionism as striving for perfection, not only avoiding, but not forgiving mistakes and seeking acceptance of the environment.
What's wrong with that?
Well, that behind it lies the pursuit of unrealistic, extremely high ideas. Every perfectionist believes the smallest mistake as his failure and experiences it hard. And here is the threat.
Parenting is not without its mistakes. Raising children, we will never achieve perfection. People who believe that it is possible sooner or later face huge frustrations and a sense of lower value.
The perfectionist is always dissatisfied with himself and particularly vulnerable to depression.