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Any parent shouting at a child?
As parents, we have the right to be tired, disappointed, depressed, swallow the bitter pill of failure. often we are furious and our emotions are getting out of control. The situation is beyond us, it is harder than we expected, children have different visions and needs, which often seem too far from ours. At every step, they put our patience to a hard test, and we feel powerless. We have had enough of eternal translation, we lose enthusiasm and readiness to focus on problems, we are in a hurry, we want to achieve some things here and now. We transfer our own problems from the relationship, from work to the field of contact with children. And although we promise each other every day that it's the last time, we can't stop. Too often, we go out of line, irritated, tired, we are not able to enjoy parenthood without showing negative emotions. Is there a way to do this?
The scream is ineffective
Aggression breeds aggression. The child who is shouting will behave in the same way towards others. Perhaps at home he will be meek as a lamb, learn to avoid parental outbursts, which he is afraid of, but already outside the home - at grandma's, kindergarten, at school, he may become an aggressor. You will start to be called "on the rug," because Hansel or Kasia "beats, accosts, is aggressive." Screams at home, getting orderly will not do much good, they will probably make things worse.
The scream forces a defensive attitude. The person who is shouting naturally raises his voice. Therefore, the scream is ineffective, it does not lead to agreement at all, but raises the level of tension and nervousness. Does not teach the child empathy, does not allow to understand, makes the toddler afraid. Of course, sometimes such an effect is sufficient (for example, in situations of danger to life or health), but when the scream accompanies the family too often, it leaves unpleasant consequences. It becomes a form of psychological violence that enters the blood. It is passed down from generation to generation. It is the parents who were shouted in the past, those who hated it, promised to be different, doing the same with their own children. They see it, they are aware of it, they wring their hands, but they cannot do otherwise. They feel losers and they don't know how to change it.
How do you stop yelling at your child?
Unfortunately, this is not easy. Scream as a symptom of our powerlessness often wins. It is difficult to control it. It's great if we implement tactics that will facilitate this:
- time for myself - when we feel that we are about to explode, the easiest way is to simply go out - to the bathroom, another room, at least for two or three minutes. If we manage to transfer the children to someone else during this time, it will be perfect.
- it's good to admit your emotions, don't try to hide them, your child sees that mom or so are bad, so instead of denying it is better to admit, "yes, I am terribly angry, it made me very angry"
- change of perspective - when you feel that you are about to explode, try to change the perspective, look at the situation through the eyes of a child - no wonder that the daughter is nervous that you have to leave now, if the fun is so successful, you would also probably be dissatisfied if someone told you to eat a meal that you honestly hate
- count - calm communication and information about what will happen can be helpful if "I count to ten, if you do not pick up these blocks at that time, I will take them and you will not play with them that day",
- talk to your child about what kind of parent you are, ask if your mother is smiling or screaming more often, what the toddler likes to do together, what he hates, how he feels when mom or dad is upset, there is a chance that next time you will be on the edge, you will remember this conversation and you will be able to solve the problem without aggression,
- remember that you always have another chance to improve, and one disaster does not entail another.
In fact - mothers like you or me. Fathers who love and engage, bring up, easily find themselves in the world of children, because they know him like their own pocket.