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The child is angry ... How to react to tantrums?

The child is angry ... How to react to tantrums?


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A proper response to a child's tantrum is a serious and difficult challenge for many parents. Motivation at this time is usually simple: let it end as soon as possible. Often, the toddler's emotions pass on to the parent. There are thoughts that the child does this to us angrily, at such a moment it is difficult not to attribute the child the worst features.

Meanwhile, it's worth realizing that the source of a tantrum is a loss of self-control. Therefore, the parent's role is to teach the toddler how to control emotions and express them in a safe and acceptable way. What you do today will affect whether your child will be able to control himself in the future and whether he will be accepted in a peer group.

There is behavior, there is effect

From a young age it is worth making your child realize that each action causes certain effects that there is action and there is reaction.

Children very much quickly notice this relationship. That is why they are throwing everything out of the stroller with such remembrance, causing what happens when a plush toy falls on the ground, and what when a rattle falls out. Each parent is quickly able to certainly remember a different fun: hiding objects under a pillow or blanket, which the little ones can repeat indefinitely.

As they grow, children learn to exist positive and negative consequences. They gain knowledge based on their own experience of how to deal with it.

Scientists have repeatedly studied these aspects. They noticed that Positive consequences are more motivating and have a greater impact on future behavior than negative consequences. Therefore, children perform certain activities more willingly because of the possibility of obtaining a prize than in fear of punishment.

It is worth praising the child for positive behavior and showing their dissatisfaction when it is negative. Logic? Not necessarily ... As parents make many mistakes: for example, how many times the child got a cake because it disturbed us during the conversation or how many times we buy a lollipop, because the child demands it hysterically crying. Some believers, especially misunderstood parenthood, recommend that Survive hysteria by giving the child attention, kneeling, hugging ... This seems illogical in many respects. Also because he makes his parents act against reason and even their own feelings. Because when a child has a hysteria, it seems natural to make sure that he does not hurt himself and to ignore this seizure or show his disapproval of such behavior, which gives the child a clear signal that this will not do anything. If the actor does not have an audience, he will learn to express anger faster in an acceptable way.

Hugging and assuring the child at the time of hysteria that we accept them unconditionally seems to be shooting in the foot. It would be wiser to provide this in a different situation. Not necessarily when the toddler kicks, bites and screams, to which the parent's natural reaction should be simply saying "no".

Natural and logical consequences

There are two types of consequences:

  • natural consequences, or learning from your mistakes. These are natural consequences: if the child does not eat breakfast, he will be hungry. If it breaks a toy, it won't be able to play with it. In many situations, it's good to let your child learn from his mistakes. Of course, not when it would be somewhat dangerous to him.
  • logical consequences - these are the consequences that follow from imitating natural consequences. For example, if a child breaks a glass, he must help with cleaning. If it scratches the wall, it must help wash it. Teaching these child dependencies is a very important educational tool.

Praising young children

There is also a way to fight the hysteria attacks appreciating the positive aspects of toddler behavior. And while it is true that one can exaggerate with praise, it is also no secret that this way of acting is a simple way to manage the behavior of a toddler, motivate and raise his self-esteem. Thanks to this, the child feels loved and appreciated. The more the toddler counts on the parent's opinion and the more emotionally attached he is to him, the more praise will matter.

However, it should be praised skilfully. About this, a separate article was created on the site, to which I now refer.

Punishment and discipline - that is, confusing concepts

There is a lot of talk today about punishment and discipline. These words have a negative effect in many circles for various reasons. I dare say that this is not quite right.

Many people do not see the difference between disciplining and punishing. And this one exists and is significant. If you discipline, you enter a natural role for the parent - EDUCATORwho becomes a guide teaching ways of self-control and behavior to have a sense of security in the surrounding world. However, when you reach for punishment (which of course does not have to and usually does not mean beating or humiliating, but involves showing the child certain consequences of behavior), then you become a POLICEMAN. On the other hand, just like in life, you can be a "good policeman" or a bad policeman.

A good policeman can be a calm, confident parent who cares about the good of the child. He knows that if he does not raise the toddler himself and you do not draw some consequences from his actions, then the child will be raised by others. People who will not have as much patience and love for a child as their parents.

Returning to the differences between discipline and punishment, it can be seen that most parents cannot avoid punishment. And they should not be blamed or considered inferior to them. It is worth remembering, however, that in the first place you choose as a method of discipline, i.e. a way to strengthen self-confidence, show respect for the child and encourage you to work on yourself.

On the other hand, if discipline fails, the conversation does not work, then punishment remains. Also so that the toddler finds out that words are followed by certain deeds, the consequences that he will have to face.

What are the types of penalties?

There is a lot of talk about punishment, talking about it only in a negative light. Often because the term "punishment" means humiliation, beatings or violence. And besides verbal and corporal punishment, there is also pedagogical punishment:

  • verbal punishment it's most often a scream, humiliation, ridicule. And we say this firmly no. About why you should not use this type of punishment will certainly be a separate article.
  • corporal punishment it's spanking, pinching, shaking, grasping firmly, etc. It is also an ineffective form and definitely not worth promoting.
  • pedagogical punishment - in many respects it can be effective while maintaining certain rules. By using this punishment, the child is deprived of certain privileges or items that may be important to him. For example: if you ask your toddler not to throw blocks against the wall or the ground, because you are afraid that the child may hit someone or destroy something or simply the noise irritates you, and the toddler, despite a few requests and attempts to distract, continues to do so, you can stipulate that if he does so, you will take the blocks from him. For the first time, when the blocks actually land on the wardrobe, away from the child, this effect of his behavior may be incomprehensible to him. However, if the parent is consistent and does not throw words to the wind (he does not talk about the consequences impossible to implement), then a year and a half toddler is able to understand the relationship between a warning and the consequences of not complying with requests. Pedagogical punishment will be effective if it is not exaggerated (the consequences will not be too great in relation to the "offense") and will occur, especially in the case of young children, as soon as possible as a result of specific behavior.

What does discipline teach?

What is discipline? Most often it is a child's warning, interviewing, finger pointing, frowning and a characteristic look. If a child is disciplined, his freedom is not limited, but he teaches what parents need to do.

  • Developing a system of values ​​and moral principles,
  • Appropriate behavior in specific situations
  • How to comply with social and cultural norms of behavior,
  • How to resolve conflicts in relationships with others,
  • How to predict the consequences of your behavior.

Redirection, i.e. disciplining young children

Before a tantrum occurs, the child usually gives clear signs of discomfort and opposition. How to deal with young children?

Disciplining young children is showing them how they can change their behavior to be safer or more appropriate at the moment. If we see a child behaving badly, it's good to help him change his behavior. For example, if your toddler is cutting the doll's hair, show them how to brush or give them paper to cut. If your child is trying to feed fish with plasticine, all you have to do is feed the fish with food or make plasticine fish and feed them with plasticine food.

Time out

Recently heavily criticized method, in many cases works very well. If translation and distraction do not work, this method almost always works. It is very important, however, not to abuse it and reach for it as a last resort.

Isolating a child, moving to bed or pen or older toddler on a designated chair allows you to control his emotions and allows you to calm down.

The place of silence should be appropriately selected. Limit the amount of stimuli and toys to your child. It is also important to pay attention to the appropriate retreat time. Before we bring the toddler, it is necessary to explain to him briefly (without going into details and long monologues) why he gets there. When the child calms down, hugs and explain briefly why this time was needed and what will happen when she does the same in the future.

A way for older children

If tantrums are a problem children over 5 years, you can try using a chip collecting system, a motivational board, on which we attach flowers, smiling faces, etc.

For each positive behavior in certain situations (the rules must be clearly defined and understandable for adults and children), the toddler receives a chip / smiley / flower / badge, which then attached to subsequent tokens can be exchanged for a prize. Preferably a small, but one that will really please your child: it can be a coloring book, funny glasses, stickers, or a family trip to the cinema. It's good if the prize is a surprise and something original that the toddler does not yet have and what he cares about. However, it is worth avoiding rewarding your child with food, because such behavior sends erroneous messages and may lead to obesity in the future.

It is also very important not to abuse this method, not to achieve the effect during which the child always requires a reward for good behavior. This activity should be combined with other methods: disciplining, motivating the child to effort by conducting conversations, learning from their own mistakes, etc.

And how do you raise your children? Do you use penalties or rewards? Do you wag your finger, maybe you count down 1 ... 2 ... 3? Write!



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