Preschooler

How to help a child who does not fit in the group?

How to help a child who does not fit in the group?


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He is not sitting on the bench with anyone, he has no friends, he spends his school breaks alone. Feels rejected by peers. A loving parent will do everything to help the child. The question is, what can it do?

First of all, the parent should diagnose the problem, find out about its causes. And these can be different and not mutually exclusive. There are children shy by naturewho are difficult to contact with peers are children deprived of faith in self, but there are also which by their behavior, perhaps unwittingly, alienate the group. Social rejection can also be a symptom ADHD syndrome or Asperger's syndrome (by the way - these people are usually above average talent; presumably burdened with such disorders were the greatest explorers in human history, with Einstein and Newton at the forefront).

How to help

The child needs lost in social relations parental support and acceptance as it is - it will help him build a positive self-esteem. Frequent praise, even small gestures and a simple smile have an impact on this.

It is however necessary parent's cooperation with an educator, pedagogue or psychologist, who will observe the child's behavior and tell you how to work at home to help overcome a difficult situation.

You also need to do it yourself look at the child's behavior, while gaining as much objectivity as possible (which is never easy with your child). Thanks to this, it will be possible to catch any behaviors that can be negatively perceived by the group and which you can work on yourself at home. This can be, for example, unreasonable offense, sulking, inability to share with others or excessive fear of your belongings.

It is worth considering whether by chance, parents are not an unconscious source of such behavior. And so, returning to the last example, if a child hears at home "do not borrow because they will destroy you" or "take care that this pen does not die because it costs a fortune", it may indeed have inhibitions against small favors towards colleagues. And this behavior will be perceived by the group as selfishness. And although the parent has no bad intentions - because the fact is that a child often loses school supplies - such inadvertent harms him. So it is better to buy your child accessories that do not cost so much that their loss or destruction by a colleague would not be a major problem. The child should know that material matters are important, but it is the people who are the most important.

Help find friends

Not all children have the need to group in a group, some just one or two good friends are enough to feel happy and accepted enough. A parent can easily help here by selecting one or two children from a peer group and attempting to "connect" them outside school. Invitation to have fun together or to go to the cinema together has already made many accounts closer. Of course, you should choose candidates who have even a slight sympathy for the child.

Personality can be trained

Another way is to enroll your child for special workshops - the so-called social skills trainings. They are most often organized by psychological and pedagogical counseling centers, psychological centers and foundations employing psychologists. Children in such a group learn the relationship anew, receiving appropriate behaviors from the hints. What's more, the child at the workshops will meet peers with a similar problem. Maybe that's where he will find friends who will understand them?
For the same reason, it is a good idea to enroll your child for extracurricular activities that match their (and not the parent's) interests, because there they will also meet similar enthusiasts in a given field.

Nothing by force

Changing the class is not a bad solution if, despite the efforts and joint work, the child is still rejected. You should talk about the problem with the educator, headmaster, ask for any suggestions or suggestions for solutions. Maybe in a parallel class our child would find a friend with whom he had a common language? Or maybe the current class is difficult, and only a certain type of personality is able to manage there and find acceptance in it?

In this situation, you should also talk to the child, ask what they think about changing the class, and possibly to which to move. Changes often work out for good, and the new environment can "conjure up" social fate.
Any difficulty can be solved. However, the parent must take appropriate action and treat the effort put in as an investment in the child's future - no less important than school education.