Time for mom

Am I a bad father because I would choose a wife?

Am I a bad father because I would choose a wife?


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"We recently talked to my wife. We moved quite surprising, even for us - a couple who talks about everything, about the subject ... If you had to decide who to save from the burning building, what would you do ...

Honestly, I don't know what's going on in my head, because the words fell alone, as if without thinking. However, once I said them, something had to be done with them - namely, to answer the question.

And here stairs appeared ... because the wife said that she would save the children. However, I pointed at her and felt stupid because I really felt so. Does this mean I'm not a good enough father? And she - loves children more than me? Theoretically, it should be this way, but why did I feel strangely underappreciated, put aside? I know it's selfish, but it's hard to get rid of these emotions when the stakes are so high.

After her eloquent look, I realized that I had touched the topic of taboo. In our child-oriented world, choosing a wife is like sacrilege. They tell us that everything must be done for children. Take care of their education, emotional and physical development. I agree. However, more and more often it goes a bit too far. Instead of a romantic evening, two too often peanut butter sandwiches, instead of a joint evening, a two-year-old knee in the eye when we sleep in our own bed and it is between us, the wife wrapped in headscarves, slings, falls asleep with the toddler by the breast, and I watch TV alone or sleep around the house ... We eat in a hurry or take turns, because there is a child. We are passing by. We are tired. The rational side accepts this, but emotions often scream and rebel because it was not meant to be. Where is our everyday pre-children's life? Immature thinking? I know…

The love I feel for children is completely different from what I feel for my wife. My wife inspires me, is my passion, addiction in a positive word for that meaning. And children? They complement our love, give new quality. However, she is the most important for me. Tom "

Who is more important to you - husband or child?

The above letter touches taboos - who is more important to you and whom do you love more your partner or child?

Although many people indicate that these feelings can not be compared and juxtaposed, they are still discussing this topic, causing extreme emotions. Olive adds to the fact that as many as 75% of women openly admit that they love their children more than their partners.

What about men?

The stir was caused husband of Nicole Kidman, singer Keith Urbanwho said he loved Kidman more than their two daughters, he added: "Children should not feel too privileged. It's dangerous! Our love is the most important. " In 2011, she amazed her readers and more American writer Ayelet Waldmanwho admitted she loves her husband more than her four children. She explained her opinion: "Raising children is hard work - often frustrating. If I didn't have a husband to share it all, I wouldn't have come this far. I love my children very much, but I'm not in love with them. I see my husband's face when I close my eyes, not theirs. "

In 2011, a scientist from Pensylvania State University interviewed 172 students and found out that men more often fell in love with women within a few weeks, while women took an average of several months. Surprisingly, studies also found that men were three times more likely to say "I love you" first. They confessed to their partners.

Some scientists have studied attachment of men and women to partners. It turned out that three times more men than women commit suicide after a failed relationship. The researchers point out that it's probably because women usually have more support in family and friends than men.

Meanwhile, at least several dozen studies conducted after 1980 indicate that most often, relationships between spouses change for the worse after the birth of the child (especially unplanned - if the decision about the offspring was thought out and the vision of parenthood was not idealized - the fact of having children brings the couple together). Mainly because a woman openly prefers relationships with children. These are the facts. They are confirmed by other research results, which indicate that when children leave home, parents are struggling with empty nest syndrome on the one hand, and are happiest on the other, given their relationship. At last they can start doing what they didn't have time for. Of course, if their love has survived and they still feel like spending time actively together.

Silly question?

Can the question: who would you save from a fire - a child or a partner be translated to the question of who do you love more?

In my opinion, probably not.

When we ask who you will save, I think there is a sense of responsibility and an assessment of who has the chance to save himself and who is more vulnerable. The man is stronger by nature. More "fragile" children, that's why "women and children" are first sent to lifeboats from a sinking ship ...

That is why talking about who you love more probably raises unnecessary anxiety ... The trick is to distinguish different types of love. I think so. And you, what do you think about it?