Small child

How to prepare a parent for the second child to come?


In the press, on the internet, television is full of advice, how to prepare an older child for the birth of siblings. There is a lot of talk about how to deal with the case jealousy, fears and feelings of repulsion.

As a mother of two, I was not lucky enough to read, jhow to face your own feelings that swirl in your head after the birth of your second toddler. How to understand your own doubts, explain yourself the fear of the unknown, understand the fear of favoring one toddler, how to wisely endure the need to separate from the old man and re-build close relationships with him, in which not only he, but also the second child counts? How do you finally accept the fact that you can't always meet the needs of two children? Because while responding to the requirements of an only child is possible, meeting the needs of two is not so easy ...

Hospital stay

First test: hospital stay. I haven't separated with my older daughter for more than a dozen hours. There was a night at the grandparents' and a morning outside, but we usually ate dinner together. Meanwhile, in the hospital after the birth of my son, they detained me for four days. It's long. Without visiting opportunities for a child. Because it's risky. Telephones remain. Yes, but it's not the same. Especially if you want to hug an old man, show your little brother, ensure how much you love ... On the one hand, I was glad that we are already four, on the other I was sorry that I could not hug my daughter, read her bedtime story, that there is no me where I was every day.

I was jealous. Although it was difficult for me to admit it. For a few days were enough for the daughter to use "dad" or "grandmother" for some time in the place of "mom" and although I was happy that she was well looked after, my heart was torn apart: loyally missed an older child and ignited love for the younger . I felt painfully how difficult it is to accept that a certain stage is behind us. I have two children. From now on I will have to divide my time, emotions and commitment between the two. As long as their needs are extremely different, and one thing is 100% on me, I will be accompanied by the feeling of "cheating" on the elder ... Does this feeling ever pass?

Breast-feeding

Breastfeeding a newborn baby, when it is done a second time, should be calm, relaxing. Everything is theoretically known, there are not so many questions in the head, doubts ... However, this is probably only in ideal commercials or periodicals. In fact, it varies.

Feelings are mixed up and the heart begins to ache when the old man wants to climb on his knees just when the mother gives the breast to the younger, when the only child who did not like milk at the sight of the baby sucking milk eats only white liquid, refusing with sadness in his eyes " normal "" adult "food. Even telling yourself that it happens, that it will pass in such moments does not bring enough relief. It is not the comfort you expect. Because the mother wants to split up for the child. And how to do it? How can't it be?

In addition, breastfeeding is less enjoyable when you can't indulge in peace because an older child is waiting ... Then he feeds too often on the run.

Fun

After the birth of a second child, there is a lot of talk about paying special attention to the elderly so that he does not feel rejected. While dad is at home, it can be well reconciled (so far especially those not very present fathers can make up time and spend interesting moments with an older boy), however, when daddy returns to work and mother with two stays alone at home, even very well organized a person may encounter problems. He must redesign his everyday life.

It is especially difficult in the case of babies who fall asleep after birth only for a quarter or half an hour and belong to the more demanding ones. Then, too often, the prospect of looking after a younger child is tempting, because "it is crying and needs me more" and leaving the old man alone, because he is "big / big and will manage".

However, are you sure that this louder child needs more attention and the old man will take on the role of the "more responsible"? Is this what you need to do to react to crying and sadness in your eyes no longer?

Walking

Before the baby joins the group of active toddlers, walks with older siblings require visiting the park alleys, eventually rocking the pram next to the playground. You can also put the baby in a sling or a scarf, but it is not always a convenient option, especially if the old man wants to sit in the sandbox and make grandmothers ...

Walks, dynamic fun on the playground changes when you go outside with the two. You have to compromise and balance the needs of two children. Which often means that everyone must give up something. How to do it fair? There is no simple answer.

The birth of a second child is difficult. Not only for the elderly, but also for parents. You need to rearrange your world. This is not impossible, but it can be difficult. Especially when new feelings appear, which we are ashamed of: a sense of incompetence, irritation due to the lack of the possibility of split or "cheating" older

You can prepare an older child, translate, show, put a hand on your tummy when your brother or sister flips, but in reality reality verifies our ideal visions. It takes work, patience, and understanding. For the child and for myself.

The good news is that usually everything goes back to normal over time. Until we, as parents, start facing the first quarrels about toys or initiated to get attention. Children were created to never let us get bored ... and to compete with each other. You also need to understand this, finding strength in yourself, to distance yourself from your own role and understand that it is impossible to be everywhere.

You will think that what I write does not make sense, that:

  • loss,
  • fatigue,
  • jealousy,
  • sense of incompetence

face.

And you are probably right. However, these feelings for more sensitive or perfect people can become a difficult obstacle to overcome. Especially when they appear suddenly and unexpectedly, when you are not prepared for them and when you do not believe that the difficult situation after giving birth to your second child will change and will be better ... Then it's good to know that others feel similar, that you need patience and faith, that we can bring up two or more.